Lately my life has taken a bit of a tailspin........culminating today in moving in a Mercedes. All I can say (well not all, as you'll see below) is that things keep getting funnier.....
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| My 'moving van' after off-roading it to a few of Italy's finest dangerous lakes |
Jobless and Payless: I mentioned in my last post (but to catch those of you up that didn't read....) that upon my return from Sierra Leone I found myself unemployed. I found out that this could be a possibility while in SL when I received an email from my boss telling me that HR was blocking my contract renewal suggesting that they would be happy to renew my contract at a rate of 30% less than my starting salary with FAO - and so the hilarity began. During those brutal days in SL I thought to myself, you know what? I wouldn't mind if they can't figure this out in time (Aug 1st) because frankly I'd love some time off, but I didn't ACTUALLY think this battle would still be going on a month later. To add to the laughs, both my paycheck for the month of July and my travel reimbursement from my expenses of over a month in SL are tied up in this contract closure/renewal mess. And yes, like the true ending hunger soldier that I am, I have continued to go to work since August 1st with the hope that one day all these laughs will turn into cold hard cash, or at the very least future vacation days......
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| All my worldly belongings, packed up once again |
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| I am accumulating a dangerous amount of belongings if I'm ever going to move back on a plane again. |
Homeless: While the above sounds like a real pain, I've gotten used to FAO's absurdity and was enjoying the fact that I didn't actually have to go to work each day (even though I did). When I got back from SL I was also informed by my landlord that I could stay in my apartment until November - woo hoo! great news especially since it's so cheap. Flash forward to one week ago when she informed me that actually her son (my former boyfriend, this is cause for a break-up) wanted it back and that I would have to move out within the week. If you've ever pondered moving from a 4th floor apartment with no elevator in the middle of August in Rome, let me tell you it's not very funny. When I received said news from my landlord, I had a momentary freak out which I decided could only be helped by a run up to my happy place the Gianiculum. In my haste to destress, I left the house in what I was wearing - jean shorts and flips flops. If you've ever pondered running up 150 stairs in sweaty flip flops - I will tell you it is kind of funny, especially as you pass puzzled tourists, until you get planter fasciitus as a result. No, that's not an STD, it's basically a stressed ligament in your foot that makes it painful to walk. Also known as an excellent factor in trying to move your 45 kilo suitcases down 4 flights. And while I often like to think I can tackle the world, Paola stepped in and refused to let me contemplate this on my own by lending me a small latino man who did all my lifting for just 30 euro. I should mention my move out day also coincides with the biggest holiday of the year in Italy - Ferragosto, where everything and I mean everything (even rental car companies) shut down. Luckily I had reserved a car when I got the news from my landlord so there were still some left to pick up the day before they all closed, until I arrived one hour late and they had canceled my reservation. Frantically going to every company, and them all saying "Niente, mi dispiace", I finally found Hertz who had only "big" cars left so I said perfect since I need it to move, even though I wasn't laughing at the price. "Big" actually meant a Mercedes, which threw me into a fit of giggles. And if you're not laughing yet, please picture this - Me limping, directing a small latino to carry my suitcases and bags and bags of somehow accumulated items down four stories in 104 degree heat to my Mercedes. When he showed up he said - wait, you're going to move in this? Yep, it's 'big' enough don't you think? Ok, if you're really not laughing yet, try this - where am I moving you might ask? Since I have no job I figured I couldn't really sign up for a new apartment, so I'll be moving back into my 1 sq.meter cube, also known as EasyBox, and heading to Portugal to really laugh it up with my besties........When I showed up at EasyBox, my buddies there were so excited that I was back that I truly felt home. *Note: I am ONLY moving in Mercedes now, it just makes the whole experience so much more enjoyable
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| First dangerous lake up - Bracciano, in honor of Katie and Tom's nuptials years ago. Since I have no tv and hardly a moment to even read the news these days I didn't know they were getting a divorce until we arrived at the lake. That's how I get my news these days - word of mouth |
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| Trevignano, doesn't look so dangerous does it.....but then again you can't see the dangerous mud lurking beneath |
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| We're in the middle, right near the 'vortex'! |
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| Ready to take the first plunge, toes crossed |
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| Ahhhhh, the vortex, the mud, the wind!!!! |
Serious time - I Laghi Pericolissimi d'Italia: Ok enough with all those laughs, the bonus of my extra 'time off' is time to pursue my ongoing research into Italy's dangerous lakes. As I mentioned back in May, Italians have this odd (at least to me, hence said upcoming research) fear of swimming in lakes. For those of you who haven't been reading, ask any Italian if they think lakes or the sea is more dangerous and they will always say lakes. Their reasons include (in order of popularity) - 1) the vortex that sucks you down since the lakes are volcanic and naturally they thus must suck you into the 'former' crater; 2) the very dangerous mud as you enter the lake, which can also suck you down; 3) how people think they can swim across them whereas they would never try to swim across the sea; 4) you can not eat and then go swimming in a lake because the cold water will stop your digestion and kill you instantly; 5) and lastly they site the yearly statistics of how many more people die in lakes than in the sea. I have done my own literature review trying to see if it's just Italy's lakes that have this vortex or if all volcanic likes might have it and surprise - I have not been able to verify that volcanic lakes have a vortex. As far as the statistics, while told that a Dutch windsurfer recently drowned in Lago di Como, I have not been able to confirm the comparison between sea and lake deaths in Italy. So with all that unconfirmation I figured it was time for some field research.....This past week I went to three of Italy's dangerous lakes - Bracciano (site of Katie and Toms wedding), Martignano (you have to park 4km away, now that is dangerous), and Trevignano (my winner, for cuteness) and I SWAM in all of them. I even ate a huge porchetta sandwich and then went in - GASP, I'm alive. A few findings I'd like to share from my field research - 1) After all those dangers listed, no one warned me about the dangerous Italian pirates on paddleboats in the water. Laura and I were chased by not one, but two pirate paddleboats full of young men, until they finally overtook us and BUMPED our boat. Laura remarked how there seemed to be a lot of aggressive males at the lake. I informed her that she didn't go out enough without her husband and that in fact this is the case in all of Italy. (side note, don't worry we escaped the pirates by pretending not to speak Italian, gets pirates every time). 2) When we tried to venture into the middle of Lake Bracciano with our paddle boat the 'lake police' came to turn us around siting 'the dangerous winds' which I must tell you I didn't feel a hair out of place or a ripple in the glasslike water, but this will be lodged in the official dangers of lakes in Italy - wind; 3) There are less attractive people at lakes than at the sea, even though there seem to be more sports happening at the lakes than the sea, hmmmmm; 4) Some of the lakes, particularly Martignano, have a lot of 'dangerous' hippies barbecuing.
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| You may not be able to tell in the photo cause I had to be covert, but there is an ambulance waiting on the lakes shores - that's how dangerous it is. |
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| Laura - she didn't want to do it and told me there was no way she was swimming, but you know how bossy I am |
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| And now look who's having a blast |
Friends Save the Day: With all this stressful research and hilarious life situation, being with besties couldn't come at a better time. I've said it a million times, but I can't thank you guys enough for coming to visit me. This last week I got to see Wil and Allie on their whirlwind tour through Europe. I started to worry a few days before their arrival, since the temperatures were topping 40 and let's just say, Wil has the largest 'sensitivity to heat' of anyone I know. I want to just say up front that if you're ever contemplating a trip to Italy, especially Rome, DO NOT COME IN AUGUST. Let me say it loud, and on repeat - DO NOT COME IN AUGUST. Rome is an amazing city eternally, but it will destroy you in August. It's hard to tie your shoes in 40 degrees, much less tour the Colosseum. Wil and Allie had planned five days in Rome, and upon arrival decided to cut it to two after a sweaty first morning running between the Vatican and the Spanish Steps. They weren't sure where to go on the fly for their 3 unplanned days, so I exiled them to Elba to take in the Mediterranean and slow down a bit (after first attempting to keep them in Rome by sending them to the always cool Catacombs = fail). As with all my visitors, I had big plans like feeding them the meatball sandwich I've finally discovered in my neighborhood, the KEYHOLE, but again the Trevi Fountain called. We spent two awesome nights catching up - on the Tiber one night initiating Allie to Grappa, and then one night executing the negotiating skillz I learned from Bob's visit (and now Africa) in Piazza Navona. Oh you want 5 euros for that dancing cat playing Shania Twain, I'll offer you 1. You offer me 2 for 7, I'll offer you 2 for 2 - and guess who won?? That's right, Wil and Allie are now the proud owners of flashing heart headbands and glowy slingshots - what better souvenirs from the eternal city? And speaking of besties, in one day I fly away to see a few more besties for a two week vacay in Portugal......
A few words about the characters joining this year's installment of AugVacayRidiculousness: 1) the repeat performer Steez. By now you should know her well so I don't need to say much, she journeyed to NZed and to Spain and Italy last year, and she never forgets to pack a good time or her NatGeo ability to navigate or best of all, her amazing biceps; 2) another repeat performer from NZed, Reba, known for her ability at accents, getting SkyWired, and white bikini; 3) and the late addition (joined the trip a week ago, yes she's also flying by the seat of her pants, hence why we get along so well) Fidz who you may remember from Ponza last year; she's known for her black magic which takes all forms from influencing the weather to turning her into Britney Spears while discussing hedge funds (I know, hard to get your head around). And a few words about the destination - Portugal(s). Back in June when we were trying to decide where to go this year and when we determined that two of the team (unnamed) find Africa and Asia a hassle, we focused back on Europe and finding some place that had topless sunbathing and wine tasting within a close vicinity. We hemmed and hawwed between Portugal and Croatia, and finally decided Portugal probably had better ham and cheese and more castles (another requirement if you were reading last year). So there you go, this mess is about to unleash itself onto the shores and hill towns of Portugal in 12 hours. Get your ears ready for the destruction that we are about to do to the Portoguese language. Yes, my resume says I speak it conversationally, when in fact I know how to ask for a table to be cleaned, so good news for our germs while eating.
And in case you were skimming this blog as I've heard, ahem, some of you have been doing - running in flip-flops = never a good idea; 2) moving in a Mercedes = always a good idea
